


Symbiosis

by leucocrystal



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: F/M, Ficlet, Introspection, No Dialogue, POV Male Character, Post-Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-10
Updated: 2006-06-10
Packaged: 2018-03-30 11:59:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3935974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leucocrystal/pseuds/leucocrystal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's a twisted balance; a definite pattern in their relationship, and contrary to popular belief, he sees it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Symbiosis

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Logan has always hated apologizing to Veronica Mars.

It's not that he doesn’t mean it -- if there are two phrases in the history of everything he says to her that he always means to the most absolute degree, they’re "I love you," and "I'm sorry."  After all, he doesn’t know how to say one without the other.  It's just that saying the first reminds him of the other.

And whenever he says, "I'm sorry," he's reminded that there are way too many things he should be sorry for.  He has a fucking Rolodex of things to be sorry for when it comes to Veronica Mars.

Some aren't as severe as others, of course.

But in his life, he's been conditioned to feel the "I’m sorry" that lurks behind every "I love you" he's ever heard.  After all, his mother was the only one who ever meant either one.  And he could always hear it, just behind the spoken syllables; each one straining to be heard instead.

"Have a good day at school, honey.  I love you."  _I'm sorry I just sit back and accept it._   "Good night, sweetie.  I love you."  _I’m sorry I close the door behind you and drink until I can’t hear it anymore._   "I'll call you when we land, okay?  I love you."  _I'm sorry I don't love you enough._   "The party’s almost over, and then I'll come upstairs to tuck you in, all right?"  _I don't love you enough to stop him._

"You know I love you, Logan."  _I’m sorry._

It's always there; just one last layer, hiding at the very bottom of them all, so small and thin he could almost forget if he didn't already know.  It's got to be genetics, because he hears it in his own words, too.

He feels apology in the entire relationship; in every touch and every word.

He slides the satin strap down her soft shoulder, kisses the column of her throat just where she likes it, and he feels it.  _I'm sorry I tasted the salt on your neck when you didn’t have the strength to push me away._   He runs his big, long-fingered hands up along the inside of her thighs, in that way that makes her close her eyes and tip her head back, and it's there.  _I'm sorry I didn’t stop him; I'm sorry I wasn't there to open the door before it was too late._

Every move he makes together with her, every single time.  She's delicate but holds him tightly and he still feels the sting of all his apologies.  If she wouldn't blow his mind every god damn time; if just one time she would allow him any more than just the energy to take another breath, they'd come rolling off his tongue in spades.

_I'm sorry I turned my back on you because it was easier._  
_I'm sorry I added extra venom to every word just to make sure it would hurt._  
_I'm sorry I brought GHB to that stupid fucking party._  
_I'm sorry I called you a heartless bitch that time at the beach._  
_I'm sorry I asked you to be nice to him, for me._  
_I'm sorry I didn’t try hard enough._  
_I'm sorry I'm absolute shit at showing you how important you are._  
_I'm sorry I don’t remember what I said._  
_I'm sorry my father killed your best friend and then tried to kill you._  
_I'm sorry you had to sit there and watch him walk away a free man._  
_I'm sorry I was the one who helped him walk away._  
_I'm sorry I'm no good at putting all your pieces back together._  
_I'm sorry that the only thing I'm really good at is hurting you._

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for a hundred more things…_

He gasps out her name against her skin, because she still knows exactly how to take all his breath away, and it's lingering just after.

_I'm sorry I love you too much._

 

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**Author's Note:**

> My second ever fic written for _Veronica Mars_. Just a little ficlet mostly culled from bits from the first story that didn't have a place there.


End file.
